I hope you are enjoying Spring. This month, I have been focusing on the theme of trust. Last week, I was writing on how we can “rewire our brain so that we can trust our own voice and thus our power.”
Trust and Truth go hand in hand, while fear and lying share a connection too.
Trust requires an ongoing commitment to truthfulness in communication.
Trust and truth can usually only form out of authentic intimacy with another.
Fear is a feeling that arises because we don’t feel safe. We lie to cover up our fears of not being loved, accepted, or protected. When we lie, we cover up what is really true.
Some common reasons we lie:
- To get what we want
- To hide the truth
- To save ourselves from embarrassment
- To hide our feelings
- To make a fool of someone
- To justify our behavior
Fear is linked to our survival instinct, so in our bodies it can feel very real. It takes pause to remind ourselves that we are safe.
Many of my students and coaching clients share with me that they haven’t felt they can really share their deepest feelings and needs with their closest friends and family.
Lets just breathe and take this in. Do you feel the shame and sadness in this? I do.
As I shared in a past post, when we don’t honor our feelings and needs then we are not loving ourselves.
Look at the top picture, this little munchkin in the photo should be afraid of the big bear, but what if that bear is really just her mind? Fear doesn’t have the power, you do.
You will never be alone by sharing who you really are. Vulnerability attracts vulnerability. Two people who come from an authentic place can embrace each others imperfections. As you know, no one is perfect.
I am teaching on mindfulness as a way to nourish the mind, body, and heart at Stanford this quarter and I met a new and courageous student after class tonight.
To keep things confidential, I will call him Shawn. Shawn came up to me and said he was taking my class to learn how to work with his mind and better work with his anxiety and high expectations of himself. He needed to take a break from the college he was attending in the midwest and came back home to recharge and really tune in and develop greater self awareness and compassion. He may not realize it now, but being vulnerable and sharing his fears aloud, he is moving towards increasing his courage.
Brene Brown shares in her research that shame lives in isolation. When we share what is true we increase our ability to dare greatly and live a whole hearted life.
Shawn is in the mud, but I know after 10 weeks he is going to experience the lotus flower. Without the mud, there is no lotus. I can’t wait to see what will blossom for him 🙂
How communication becomes trustworthy
A trustworthy person is committed to being assertive but not aggressive. Assertiveness is motivated by self esteem and respect for others. Aggression is motivated by the need for ego satisfaction. Most of us are afraid of being assertive so we dont say how we really feel, but if we can dare greatly then we are capable of real intimacy and real love with another.
Try this on…
Share something more vulnerable with a friend, family member or more intimate partner. Trust that you will be okay no matter what they say or do, don’t have an expectation on their response. Do it for the pure desire to be authentic. Let me know how it goes.